I realized one very hard to accept truth last night. I haven't been the kind of mom I used to be. Lately I have only been looking at the more negative qualities my kids have instead of all the good ones. When we found out we were expecting again, we were excited and VERY surprised. I didn't think I would get pregnant that easily. I knew I wasn't ready for another one, and I don't think my family was ready for the monster that pregnancy was about to be unleashed!! Now that Rawlin was home, I needed at least 6 months of sanity before adding something or someone that would change our family so drastically! So needless to say, it's been hard for me to accept my current "condition".
After freaking out at Chase last night for the dumbest reason, I walked out of my room, and sat down on the porch while Rawlin dealt with the rest of the situation calmly. Needless to say I had a melt down. I proceeded to tell Heavenly Father that I had had it and that if I didn't get some help soon that I would totally loose it. Then the baby kicked and that started me up again. "Heavenly Father, what were you thinking!!" I felt like I am barely dealing with the kids I have now. I wanted to know why he would send another spirit to a mother who was/is totally unworthy of raising another one of his choice children. Then the guilt and realization came!
The truth was, if I changed my attitude, I could handle another one. If I started noticing how incredible my kids are instead of all the little quirks and attitudes they have that drive me crazy, I would be able to handle things better, and to go back to being the kind of mom I used to be. I then found this quote by Pres Gordon B Hinckley....
"You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out ... Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value ... The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days." President Gordon B. Hinckley
The fact is, my babies are getting big so fast. Why am I wasting this time noticing all of the negative things? Heaven knows I am far from perfect and hard to deal with a lot of the time! So here's to turning over a new leaf, and going back to the mom I was proud to be, and here's to my kids who are the best parts of my life! I love you guys!
7 years ago
3 comments:
Shell~ You are a fantastic mother!!
And noone knows better than Heavenly Father. That's why you have been blessed to be having another one. I do however feel your pain, and anxiousness about being surprised. Just remember that we are'nt incharge of the timing. And I would not trade "my" surprise for anything. Keep your chin up, and know that your loved.
I agree. You are WONDERFUL and you have AMAZING kids! Know that you always have help...from both sides of the veil. Love you.
I'm officially stealing that quote. I've never heard it before and I LOVE IT!!
I think that placing a baby has given me a different perspective about mothers. I don't think it's about being a "good" or "bad" mother. You ARE your children's mother. No one can do this job better than you. No one is subject to more inspiration about your children and their well being than you.
If Heavenly Father didn't think you were the perfect person to raise HIS children, he wouldn't have allowed you the opportunity. He has complete faith in you. He knows that every day won't be sunshine and roses. Our children will sometimes be the refiner's fire that WE need to polish our edges so we can be perfect too. We won't be perfect here...but that doesn't mean that we can't have perfect moments.
Remember that Heavenly Mother had days like these too. Love you!!
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